saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
