OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
