He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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