i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
