your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My feet surprised me
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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