That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
