dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
