Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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