Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
