The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
