My cat gives me a boner
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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