Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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