My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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