Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
