I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
