I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
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I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
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You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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