it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
