Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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