remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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