Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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