I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
