Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
