He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
