Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
