drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
