You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
