That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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