Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
