Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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