end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.