one might say we're banned from that church
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
