The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!