Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.