Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN