didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
ok i will unlock the door
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands