This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
