so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
