oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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