When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
