I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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