So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
