i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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