I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
