Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
