Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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