There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
