i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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