After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
