The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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