I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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