the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
