someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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