Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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