its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
