Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
