Reggie can tackle my bush.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
