hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's rum buckets o'clock
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
