Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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