I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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