what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
