Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
