Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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