My hand turned me down
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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