he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
