Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
